Mr & Mrs Page 9

  My father is dead. They told me that. So now I have no one.

  “Hello there,” the woman says. “I’m Mrs. Conrad.”

  I say nothing. Not because I’m being defiant and surly, but just because I have nothing to say. She wants something from me. I don’t yet know what it is, but she wants something from me. Everyone wants something from everyone. It’s just the way of the world.

  “Are you hungry?” she asks.

  I nod. It’s just the truth. And there’s no way to hide that fact because my small chest is bare like my feet, and if I were to touch my ribs, I’d feel every single one of them protrude out from my flesh.

  “Come sit down at the table,” she says. “We have plenty of food for you here. Do you like seafood?”

  I shouldn’t. Because it feels like that’s the only thing I’ve eaten over the past few years. But I do. I love it. It makes me feel free and every time I eat the day’s catch at night, I feel strong. Strong enough to go on another day. And that makes me think that if I consume what’s in the sea I’ll live. Even through the beatings. Even through the insults. Even through death.

  The table is long and there’s a lot of chairs. So many I feel compelled to count them. Sixteen, I come up with. But there are only three place settings. One at the very head, near the window that has an expansive view of the ocean waves crashing against rocks, and two on either side.

  A man is sitting in the one at the head. The other two are empty now, but I know I’m supposed to sit in one and she—Mrs. Conrad—will sit in the other.

  I take my seat and place my hands in my lap to prevent them from grabbing at the crab legs stacked on a large silver platter.

  “You can have one, son,” the man says. “Have as many as you want.”

  I catch crabs and lobsters. Almost every day in the summer. But I’ve never had this much food in front of me at one time.

  “Do you like it with butter?” Mrs. Conrad asks. She recognizes the look on my face as confusion, so she adds, “Do you like to dip your crab legs in hot butter?”

  I shrug. “I dunno,” I say, in the strongest voice I can muster up through my split lips.

  “Try it,” she says, dipping some crab meat into a small dish on her plate and then putting it in her mouth. She smiles through that first taste. “Mmmm.” She hums. “It’s good. And it has calories you need. I don’t need the extra calories.” She laughs. “But you do. If you dip it in butter it will taste even better than you can imagine. And it’ll make you stronger too. Help you heal,” she adds.

  I pick a crab leg from the platter and crack it near the claw, then dip the claw in the butter and suck out the meat.

  My head swoons, that’s how good the butter tastes. My whole body vibrates from the food after being starved for three days.

  I eat. Like really eat for the first time in my life. I eat everything they put in front of me.

  Later I get sick and throw it all up, but I don’t care. Because there’s a never-ending parade of food in this place they say is now my home.

  And these people who tell me they are now my parents are going to give me everything I need. Anything I want. Forever, and ever, and ever…

  Chapter Seventeen - PAX

  I roll over on the bed, so fucking hot I’m sticking to the sheets. I need water.

  “Water,” I croak, hoping Cindy will hear me. Take pity on me. Bring me water.

  But I get silence in return, so I open my eyes. Well, it’s a little more complicated than that. You know when you try to open your eyes but that shit is heavy, like they’re practically glued together?

  I only manage to raise my eyebrows.

  “Cin,” I croak out again.

  Silence.

  “Cookie?” I sound like fucking Cookie Monster, that’s who I sound like right now.

  I roll over once more, fall off the bed, land in a tangle of sweat-soaked sheets, and give up.

  I might even doze off a little, because the next thing I know, I’m being kicked and someone is saying, “Mysterious? You alive down there?”

  I raise my head, manage to open one eye, and stare up at Five Aston. “Dude,” I say. “I need water.”

  I think I say that. It mostly comes out as growls and grumbles.

  But a few seconds later he sets a glass down on the floor. “What the fuck happened to you, dude?”

  I don’t answer, just sit up, lean against the bed, and swallow down the most delicious glass of water ever.

  I hold it out when I’m done. Begging for more.

  Five rolls his eyes, but takes the glass and returns with more. I gulp that too, then wipe my mouth and say, “Where’s Cindy?”

  “I dunno,” Five says. “Haven’t seen her all morning. Are you still drunk? Dude, you smell.”

  As with all second-day drunks, the smell eludes me. But I take his word for truth, and manage to get myself upright and on my feet. “Why are you here?” I ask, sitting back down on the bed before I fall over.

  I am still drunk. How did I get so drunk?

  “I need something fixed,” he says, all serious and shit.

  “What?” I ask.

  “I said, I need—”

  “No, dumbass. What do you need fixed? I can hear just fine.”

  He looks at me like I’m a dick. And I am. But Five Aston is too, as far as I’m concerned. We’re two peas in a pod. He just hides it better.

  “My kids, man—”

  “You want me to off your kids? Dude—”

  “Don’t be a dumbass. No. I want you to steal the tests they’re taking so they can’t go to school next year. Or better yet,” he says, getting a little more animated and excited. “No. Let the tests leave the island, then steal them. And we’ll blame it on Ming.” He thinks about that for a second and shakes his head. “Nah, I can’t blame Ming. That will really piss the girls off. We gotta do this today.”

  I just look at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “My kids, man! My kids are taking some school entrance exams and they’re little fucking geniuses, OK? They’re gonna ace that shit. They’re gonna get into the best fucking school on the planet.”

  “So what’s the problem?” Maybe I’m too drunk to understand or maybe I’m just slow. But I have no clue where this is going.

  “They can’t leave the island!”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” he spits. “Why? You of all people know why, Mysterious. Everyone is out to get us.”

  I actually laugh at that.

  “It’s not fucking funny, OK? I’ve kept them safe for twelve years and now Rory is insisting that they go to school.”

  “Don’t all kids go to school?”

  “Are you a moron? Do you not speak English? They can’t leave. Someone will find them, Pax. I gotta keep them here for their own safety. I can’t let my little girls out in this world. It’s too fucked up, man.”

  I rub my hand down my face. I really need a shower. “So let me get this straight… you think you can keep your kids from growing up?” I laugh. Pretty loud too.

  “No,” Five says. “But they’re only twelve, man. Twelve!” He grabs the collar of my t-shirt and pulls me to my feet, shaking me along the way for good measure. “You’re not listening to me! I need this fixed! I’m pretty sure you owe me, Mysterious. I saved your ass.”

  “Yeah, and got both my islands blown up with that stupid plan of yours.”

  “That was you, dude! That plan was yours!”

  Oh, yeah, kinda was, wasn’t it? “Well, fuck. I’m not sure I agree with you, bro. Kids gotta go out into the world some time, right? Just deal with it. Where the fuck is Cindy?”

  Five glares at me. Like he maybe wants to punch me in the mouth right now. But he takes a deep breath and says, “Cindy’s gone.”

  “Gone where?” I ask.

  He holds up a piece of paper and it takes me a minute to realize what it is. Then I snatch it out of his hand, my heart racing like it might gallop right out of my chest�
�� and then… and then…

  And then I realize it’s a joke.

  Sorta.

  “She left this on the bedside table. Presumably this is some kink the two of you do?”

  I read the note—which is cut-out magazine letters pasted onto a piece of paper, classic kidnapper style. It says,

  Help! I’m being held prisoner in a cookie factory!

  I laugh. “Goddamned cookie factory. She’s so damn cute, right?” Then I look up at Five and say, “Seriously, dude. Where is she?”

  He grins. Kind of an evil grin, if I do say so.

  “She ran off,” he says. “That’s all I know.” And then he winks. Like actually fucking winks at me. “But if you help me… if you do me this favor… I’ll tell you where I think she went. Because what I do know, Paxton Vance, is that she’s not coming back unless you find her. Heard her tell Ellie that this morning. She’s sending you on a hunt, my friend. And I also heard her say, and this is word for word, that she’s gonna make you prove yourself before she shows up at that wedding.”

  I really am drunk right now, right? “How long was I asleep?”

  “Take it or leave it, man.” And then he looks at his watch. “The kids still have a few more hours of testing, so I’ll give you the first hint for free. But if you cross me, Mysterious…” He makes a slicing motion across his throat. “I’ll gut you.”

  I might actually be having a stroke. Or maybe I slept for like a hundred years, like that Rip Van Winkle dude.

  “Deal?”

  I sigh as I stand back up, being more careful this time so I don’t wobble too much and fall over. “Whatever. You want me to fix your kids by stealing their dreams, fine. Now tell me where to find Cindy.”

  “Cookie factory is the clue, right?” Five says.

  I look down at the note. “Guess so.”

  “Well, that’s gotta be the kitchen house. Rory and the girls have been baking stuff for the wedding all week. Come find me this afternoon and you can pay me back then, OK?”

  But before I can answer, he takes off.

  “OK,” I call out.

  But I really need a shower, so Miss Cookie will have to wait in her bakery prison a little bit longer. Because when I find her sweet cheeks, I’m gonna spank them red for driving me crazy and then I’m gonna roll her around in sugar and lick it all off her… and I won’t be smelling like yesterday’s drink when I do it.

  It takes me a while to find the kitchen house. Who the fuck has a kitchen house anyway? Five really needs to invest in some banging AC so he can cook in the real house, if you ask me.

  But whatever. I see it up ahead now. Just a little brick building on the west side of the house. Kinda hidden by the jungle mostly, but the path leading up to it is straight, so I head that way.

  I can already smell her. It’s probably just the pastries and shit they’re making for the wedding, but I like it. I don’t call her Miss Cookie for nothin’. It smells just like her.

  I try to picture what’s she’s got planned for me. She was all into that date day thing last night. I don’t remember much about what happened yesterday beyond my fascination with I Wanna Be an Airborne Ranger song. But I never forget anything about my cookie, so that all came back to me.

  She’s probably gonna be naked. We fuck in the kitchen all the time. Once I even came home to find little chocolate chips glued all over her body with dried honey. I ate dessert first that night.

  I can’t really see inside, and I can’t hear nothin’ as I walk up to the door, either. But I can imagine it… oh, fuck, yeah.

  I kick the door open like a badass and yell, “I’m here to save you, Miss Cookie!”

  And get silence.

  “Cookie?” I call out. “Cindy? You here?”

  There’s lots of flour scattered all over the place. And sugar. And now that I look closer, I see red frosting on the counter and a whole tray of cookies scattered on the floor.

  I shake my head. Damn, she’s good at this detective game, isn’t she?

  “Cin-der-ella!” I sing out. “Where are you?”

  I walk around the flour-covered table and find more frosting on the floor. But… but wait.

  I bend down and swipe my finger across it.

  That’s not frosting.

  It’s blood.

  Chapter Eighteen - OLLIE

  A pack of kittens attack me just as I’m about to knock on the front door. “Fucking shit!” A few jump on my cargo shorts and start climbing up my chest.

  One attacks my feet and I jump away when it bites me on the big toe, then another stands up on his hind legs and bats the air, like he’s gonna take me down.

  “Goddammit,” Five says, opening the door. “I told those girls to keep these damn kittens out of the way.” He grabs the two still clinging by one claw to my shirt, and sets them down. “You OK?”

  I glance at Katja, who has her hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh. “Fine,” I say.

  “I don’t know where Louise and Mathilda got off to this morning,” Five says, “but they’ve been missing for about an hour now.”

  “Should we go look for them?” Kat asks, her face scrunched up in concern.

  “Nah,” Five says, waving off his worry and motioning us into the house at the same time. “It’s an island.” And then he smiles, like all is right with the world. “They’re totally safe here. What trouble could they possibly be getting into?”

  “Probably not much,” I conclude. “This place is pretty amazing. I mean, shit. I wish I lived on an island like this. Would be great, huh, Kat?”

  I squeeze her hand and she smiles. “I could live here,” she says. “Just lie on the beach and soak up the sun all day. Of course, I’d burn like fuck. I’d have to take a boat to the nearest town regularly to buy crates of sunscreen.”

  “Where is the nearest town?” I ask.

  “Oh,” Five considers this for a moment. “Nassau is the biggest, couple hours by boat or about thirty minutes by plane. But there’s a few small islands with villages between here and there we sometimes go to.”

  “Does Rory go?” Kat asks. “And the girls?”

  “No,” Five says. “They don’t go anywhere local. Shit, people see Rory and the girls and they never forget them.”

  “Yeah,” I say “My sister and nieces are pretty unforgettable.”

  “I can’t take that chance,” Five says, his voice suddenly serious.

  “So where do they go?” Kat asks. “Like for a fun day out.”

  “Shit, Kat,” I say, sensing what she’s getting at. “This place is fun enough. I have so many things I want to do here, it’s crazy. And you know what?” I ask her.

  “What?” she says, a little bit annoyed that I didn’t let Five finish.

  “I think we should do them all today. That’ll be our date day.”

  “Hell,” Five says. “Is everyone doing that? Cindy has Mysterious on some crazy wild-goose chase.”

  “Yeah,” I say. “I heard. Anyway. Tell me where to take my beautiful wife-to-be today, Five. Hit me up with all the best spots. We’re gonna make the most of our last day as single people.”

  “You guys can take the scuba gear in the boathouse and hit the reef. It’s not a huge reef, but it’s cool. Lots of things to see down there.”

  I look at Katja to see if she’s interested. “Sounds great,” she says.

  “Then what?” I ask. “I want to spend the entire day with her. Just the two of us.”

  Five thinks for a moment. “Horseback riding? We have trails all over. Or dirt bikes. Oh, hey,” Five says. “We’ve got a speedboat on the marina too. And jet skis. You can do all that if you want. We have a second, smaller island on the east coast and it’s nothing but beach, Ollie. Like, nothing but a few palm trees for shade and the best white sand you can imagine.”

  “Yeah, that all sounds perfect. Anything else?”

  He shoots me a crooked grin and then shakes his head. “I got one other place, but I think I’ll take Rory there
and keep it a secret. We haven’t been in a long time. If everyone else is having date day, we should too.”

  “Speaking of Rory,” I say. “Where is she?”

  “Shit.” Five sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “She’s got Ming giving the twins tests today.”

  “What kind of tests?” Katja asks.

  “Private school entrance exams,” Five huffs. Like this is just pissing him off.

  “What?” I ask. “You’re sending the girls off to private school?”

  “No,” Five insists. “They’re not going anywhere. Rory is crazy if she thinks I’m sending my girls off to boarding school in Colorado.”

  “Colorado?” I ask. “Really? That would be cool, right? They’d love it there.”

  “And we’re all there,” Katja adds. “That would really be great for them.”

  “Yeah.” Five laughs. “But it’s not happening. So don’t get excited. Hey, I gotta go check on some shit. Just help yourself to anything you want, Ollie.” He claps me on the back. “The keys to the boat and skis are down in the boathouse with the scuba gear. And the horses are in the stable. You still remember how to saddle a horse?”

  “Sure,” I say, smiling at Katja. I wonder if she’s ever been riding before. “I wasn’t into them as a kid, but I know everything there is to know about horses.”

  Five grins, probably thinking about how Rory used to ride and show horses when they were kids. “And grab some food from the kitchen. We’ve got all kinds of shit in there. Take some with you. Have a picnic on the beach.”

  And then he leaves us there to sort things out.

  “So what first?” I ask Kat. “Scuba diving? Dirt bikes? Horse back riding? Or boating?”

  “Let’s start with the dirt bikes,” Kat says, her face flushed with excitement. “I’ve never ridden one before. Then we can get on the horses and ride them down to the beach, grab the scuba gear, and then end the day with a picnic on the sandy island.”

  “Perfect,” I say, leaning down to kiss her. I just want her to be happy and forget the fact that she’s got no family left. Well, that’s not true. She’s got me and I’ve got a huge family. Plus Mariel and Pax. And all the girls.